Setting: a small old-fashioned but very tidy office. Its narrow window overlooks a big city. The walls are decorated with framed certificates, a few family pictures, and a majestic portrait of Emperor Wilhelm II. At the massive wooden desk in the middle of the room sits a small middle-aged man, dressed in very accurate clothing and wearing half-moon spectacles. He now sharpens a pencil, wipes the shavings methodically into a tray specifically allocated for that purpose, and proceeds to scribble a few notes onto a document in front of him. After a short while he presses a red button to his side. A military-sounding buzz can be heard. A moment later the only door into the room opens with an incongruous creak, and a nervous looking young man, maybe in his mid-twenties, hesitatingly enters the room. He wears a suit for the occasion, which appears to be second-hand and a bit too large.<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<\/div> Officer<\/strong>: Come in, come in, no need to be shy! We don\u2019t bite here! [Laughs heartily at his own sense of humor.<\/em>]<\/p>\n [The young man steps forward and takes a seat at the desk, opposite to the officer.]<\/em><\/p>\n Officer<\/strong>: Sit down, sit down! [He looks up for the first time.<\/em>] Ah, well. Right. Make yourself comfortable. I am adjudicating officer Schmitt, tasked with the evaluation of scientific research proposals submitted to the Imperial Agency for the Advancement of Natural Research. We are a new branch of his Majesty\u2019s Government, established in his edict from last March to foster the Advancement of Natural Research. As stipulated by section 3 paragraph 5, all scientific funding is henceforth subject to prior evaluation and should aim for the betterment of mankind. You understand?<\/p>\n Young man<\/strong>: I think I do. I am also in favor of the betterment of mankind.<\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<\/div> Officer Schmitt<\/strong>: Wonderful. All on the same page. Good. Let\u2019s begin then. Just to confirm\u2014your name?<\/p>\n Young man<\/strong>: Einstein. Albert Einstein.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Thank you, and your occupation is?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: I am a physicist. I work at a patent office.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Very good. Excellent. Sounds very practical. Good. So. I have in front of me a research proposal that you have sent to us in which you ask for funding of\u2014let me read that off so that I get it right\u2014research on the \u201celectrodynamics of moving bodies.\u201d That sounds, um, fascinating, but I must admit I am not entirely<\/em> sure I understand what your project is driving at. So the Imperial Agency for the Advancement of Natural Research has invited you to have a bit of a conversation, with me that is, in which you explain to me why the Imperial Agency for the Advancement of Natural Research should support this type of inquiry.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: You mean, now?<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Now would be a good time.<\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<\/div> A.E.<\/strong>: Ja, alright then. Hm. [Thinks for a short bit<\/em>.] See, the goal of this project is to investigate the motion of bodies, and why it is different from what Newton has taught us.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Right. Very good. Who is \u201cNewton,\u201d by the way?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Newton is\u2014wait, you are evaluating physics proposals, but you don\u2019t know who Isaac Newton is?<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Well, you\u2019re saying he\u2019s wrong anyways. Doesn\u2019t seem like a big loss to me. [Laughs again loudly<\/em>.] Let\u2019s not get bogged down with names. What\u2019s your<\/em> project about?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Ah, um, so I\u2019m proposing that we should revisit how we measure distances and times, because we\u2019ve never really thought carefully about that, and it turns out it matters on a fundamental level. For instance, if we imagine two events A and B\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: I\u2019m quite sure the fine people at the Imperial Office for Weights and Measurements have thought quite carefully how to measure distances and times. Have they not?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Oh, I\u2019m sure they have. But this is more of a fundamental question, one of principle.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: [looks skeptically over the rim of his half-moon spectacles<\/em>] Alright then. Please proceed.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Right. If we imagine two events A and B, \u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: \u2026oh, and can you please make it a bit less abstract? \u201cA\u201d and \u201cB\u201d sounds so theoretical.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Right. OK. [Thinks<\/em>.] Imagine a train driving past the embankment of a train station. There\u2019s a person in one of the carriages, and there\u2019s also a person outside on the embankment. Is that more to your liking?<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Splendid. Please proceed.<\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<\/div> A.E.<\/strong>: Now imagine that the front and the back of the carriage is struck by lightning.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Whoa, that seems rather coincidental! I\u2019m not sure how likely that is. Front and back? At the same time?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Well, it is admittedly a bit of a contrived example to illustrate a point\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: [More skeptical looks<\/em>.] Well, alright then. I\u2019ll let that pass. For now. [Scribbles a few notes on the document in front of him.<\/em>]<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Right. Now, you were asking \u201cat the same time?\u201d That\u2019s a good question, because that\u2019s actually a crucial point here. I\u2019m arguing that we cannot tell.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Well, I\u2019m sure I<\/em> couldn\u2019t tell. But the fine lads from the Imperial Office for Weights and Measurements have good clocks and good equipment, I\u2019m confident they would be able to.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Ja, no, I\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m putting this very poorly. What I\u2019m saying is, they will surely express an opinion<\/em> on the matter, but others might disagree.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Are you saying the fine officers at the Imperial Office for Weights and Measurements would not be up to the job? These are highly trained officials!<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: No no, I\u2019m convinced they\u2019d do a fine job!<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Highly trained!<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Yes, I\u2019m sure. But what I\u2019m saying is that if you have two groups of officers, one in the train and one outside on the embankment, they would not agree on their measurements.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Why would we need two groups?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Well, for comparison.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Dr. Einstein. These officers are experienced professionals. They are paid a premium salary for their fine work. Maybe even more than me. [His lips tighten ever so slightly at that thought<\/em>.] I think two groups is excessive.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: I see where you\u2019re coming from, but this is a matter of principle. If these two groups both make measurements, \u2026<\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<\/div> O.S.<\/strong>: Have you budgeted for two groups in your proposal?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Pardon me?<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Are you sure you can afford such a lavish deployment of Imperial Measurement Officers?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Me? Oh no, I\u2019m a theoretician.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: So why do we need all these officers to make these measurements?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Well, we actually don\u2019t. But you asked me for a concrete example.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Naturally, Dr. Einstein. But we should keep it realistic<\/em>. You don\u2019t want to blow your whole budget on one experiment with trains. In fact, you also don\u2019t want to blow the train. I don\u2019t like the idea of lightning strikes to begin with. These are not just dangerous to people. You might also damage the train.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: [Getting visibly more nervous<\/em>.] Mr. Schmitt, \u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Officer Schmitt, please. Formalities ought to be preserved.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: My apologies. Officer<\/em> Schmitt, I am not sure how to illustrate my ideas to you if you object against such a simple thought experiment.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: A thought<\/em> experiment?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Yes, it is not essential to do<\/em> this experiment, these fine officers are not actually necessary<\/em>\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Not necessary? Oh, I assure you our government absolutely needs these fine officers! Or do you suggest we fire them?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: No no, I would suggest no such thing!<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: But you consider them unnecessary?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Well for the purpose of this experiment\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: You<\/em> started with them! I have not insisted that you bring them into your story.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: [confused look<\/em>] No\u2014I mean, I don\u2019t recall how we got here. I just wanted to\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: And you have started to talk about an experiment, but then you said we might as well just think<\/em> about doing it. I\u2019m not sure that would fly well with the budget office at all.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: [increasingly dejected<\/em>] I was just trying to\u2026<\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<\/div> O.S.<\/strong>: [Puts the pencil down and over his half-moon spectacles looks Dr. Einstein firmly in the eyes<\/em>.] Dr. Einstein. Let me get more directly to the point I\u2019m trying to make. I have read your proposal, but I could not find out what this would be good for. You talk about measuring things, but not actually in real life, about sending light flashes around, whoosh, whoosh, about somehow squishing rulers shorter and making clocks run slow, or something. Why would anybody want their clock to run slow?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Well, nobody would want<\/em> their clock\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: And don\u2019t even get me started about that second part in your proposal, where you\u2019re moving magnets around or some such stuff. Nobody moves magnets around just for fun. They\u2019re heavy<\/em>, and it is not practical<\/em>.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: [Pained expression<\/em>.] It is a thought, to illustrate another thought\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Well, see, that is the point. Thoughts to illustrate other thoughts<\/em>! That\u2019s not very practical<\/em>.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: I\u2019m a theoretician<\/em>, that\u2019s what I do<\/em>.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: And I\u2019m an officer at the Imperial Agency for the Advancement of Natural Research. I need to decide whether your work is recommended for funding. That\u2019s what I<\/em> do.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: [Sinks his head.<\/em>] \u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Oh, come on, come on now\u2014don\u2019t despair. Look, I like young people, I really do. But you all have these willy-nilly strange ideas that are so un-practical<\/em>. The other day someone was in my office who wanted to measure the heat opacity of metals, or some such thing, at extremely low temperatures. What a waste of resources, I told him! It\u2019s never that cold around here!<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: It sounds interesting to me<\/em>\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: And then there was this chap who wanted to send a beam of electrons through a strong magnetic field. He had some ideas of sorting them up and down or something. So I asked him: will this help lower my electric bill? And you know what he said?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: [very softly<\/em>] No, what did he say?<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: [booming<\/em>] He said no<\/em>! It would not<\/em> lower my electric bill! So I told him to do something more applied<\/em>. That\u2019s the spirit of today! We want to have a transformative impact on society!<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: [silently stares at his hands<\/em>]<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: You do<\/em> want to have a transformative impact on society, no?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Yes, yes, I suppose I want to.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: There. See? All you young whippersnappers want to change the world. But you\u2019re so disconnected<\/em> from it. So un-practical<\/em>! You all have these wild ideas of doing things that have no real application<\/em>. You\u2019re excited<\/em>\u2014I give you that. Just not very experienced with how the world works.<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: [softly<\/em>] I just thought I had a really important idea and wanted to pursue it further.<\/p><\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<\/div> O.S.<\/strong>: I\u2019m sure you thought that. And that\u2019s great! But your proposal is so, how shall I say, so \u201clofty<\/em>.\u201d Look, I want to help you. That\u2019s part of my job. Let\u2019s look into this together, shall we? For instance, will your proposal help to protect trains from getting struck by lightning?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: N\u2013No, I don\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: OK, well, it was an idea. Then let\u2019s not talk about that. Let\u2019s leave out the inessential stuff. Moving on! You\u2019re talking about measuring time. Will it maybe help keep the trains on schedule?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: Oh, well, I don\u2019t think so either. Realistically speaking.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Hm, but that would be quite a worthy endeavor. Why not work on that?<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: I am not especially interested in trains.<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Ah, but you talk about them incessantly!<\/p>\n A.E.<\/strong>: They are good examples for\u2026<\/p>\n O.S.<\/strong>: Well, strike them out. If you don\u2019t care about them, strike them out. But then, what